I've heard the adoption process referred to as a "paper pregnancy". Along with a pregnancy often comes Morning Sickness. I was one of the fortunate ones who had wonderful pregnancies and never a minute of nausea. This 'pregnancy' is different. Nausea abounds. I am sickened by what I now know.
This Mourning Sickness comes from my loss... namely, the loss of my ignorance.
My eyes have been opened. Opened to the tens of thousands of 'waiting' children worldwide. Opened to the less than ideal conditions which these children endure. Opened to the fact that most will never know life outside an institution if we are not moved to act. Opened to the loss of hope that someone will ever view them as valueable and wanted. Opened to an even more horrific future these kids will face if they are turned onto the streets when they reach the age of majority.
Sitting here in my middle class American life, it can become too easy to place the blame on the caregivers and governments of the countries where these conditions exist. However, in my mind that is hypocrisy. Yes, we no longer see Special Needs individuals as only worthy of institutionalization... we're almost a whole century removed from that mentality. Conversely, we perform prenatal testing and abortions all in the name of healthcare. One only has to look at the 90% abortion rate after a positive Down syndrome test to understand that we are not unlike the rest of the world in our view of Special Needs.
These are individuals. These are children. They are created in God's image. They are fearfully and wonderfully made. And as my friend pointed out today, Our God Doesn't Make Mistakes. They are a sea of faces. Faces and names I know from scouring the pages of Reece's Rainbow and family blogs. Faces of wanted children set in families.
Yes, this preparation for bringing home our little boy brings great joy. But it is tempered by the fact that I can no longer stick my head in the sand and plead ignorance. My eyes are opened.