A Miserable Comforter brings no comfort

Last week, as the world's eyes were on Boston, another tragedy was unfolding.  Maybe unfolding  is the wrong word.  Folding  might be more accurate.  Folding  as in "we're packing up our toys and going home because we're not going to play with you anymore".  The 'Powers that Be' from both sides of the pond were having a powwow.  They had gathered to discuss the adoption ban.  Unfortunately, the pawns in this political chess match are children... children who have met parents pursuing their adoption... children who have been told by their nannies that a family is returning for them... and yes, children who now face one of two futures~ but I'll save that for another post.

Details released of the supposed meeting have been sketchy, but the bottom line is this: regardless of where you were in the adoption process, if you had not already been to court and had an adoption decree when the ban went into effect, Game Over.

So here's the question... What do you say to these friends whose child(ren) won't be coming home?  Looking to the Bible for the answer, I think there are two options.  The first can be found in the book of Job.  Job had three not-so-helpful friends.  These guys would not.shut.up.  They spoke for chapters and chapters, spewing their supposed wisdom on their hurting friend.  Part of what they said might  have even had some merit-- in a different situation.  And I can't believe that at least some  of it was well intended.

Our words can be like that.
"God has a different plan."
"God knows best."

or the real stinger... "He/she wasn't really (i.e. legally ) your baby anyhow."

Again, there is truth in all of those statements.  The problem is the heart is not governed by laws.  These parents have dreamed the dreams.  They have held these children.  They have spent countless hours and dollars redeeming their children.  They looked into that child's eyes and promised to return for him.
Yes, God does know best.  And at this point, it seems His plan is quite different than the path He had them on over the past months and years.

Job pretty much sums it up in chapter 16, verses 1-3:

"I have heard many things like these;

miserable comforters are you all!

Will your long-winded speeches never end?"

Flip to the New Testament and we find a different example.  Lazarus had died.  Lazarus, the dear, trusted friend of Jesus.  Let's be serious-- Jesus knew Lazarus would be raised from the dead.  He knew God's plan was different... was better.
That knowledge didn't stop Him from going to Mary and Martha, Lazarus' sisters, His beloved friends.  And what happened next?  Jesus wept.

The whole account in John 11 is quite short.  It lacks the soap boxes and platitudes of Job's friends.  All it contains is the deep ache and sorrow Jesus experienced when his friend died.  I'll venture a guess that those tears ministered more to Mary and Martha's hearts than words ever could.

These mamas and daddies who have just come to the end of their Russian adoption journey need to grieve.  As their friend, they need you to walk this road with them. 
They are battle weary.  They are raw.
 
Walk with them.
Weep with them.
Jesus does.

 

SLEEP Study? Who slept???

Last night Little Dude had a Sleep Study.  For those of you that either didn't know he was having one or don't know what they're about, here's the Reader's Digest version:

Individuals with Ds have a higher than average incidence of sleep apnea and certain other issues.  In general, individuals with Ds tend to have a smaller facial structure, lower-set ears, lower muscle tone (including facial muscles), and a few other things that can make an obstruction more likely.  Because of this, the American Academy of Pediatrics standard of care for children with Ds is that they should have a Sleep Study by age 4.
At Little Dude's age, should his study show apnea, the first mode of treatment is removing his tonsils and adenoids.  He is already scheduled to get ear tubes placed in a few weeks, so the T&A would be performed at that time if necessary.

Our night went something like this:
We arrived at the clinic at 7pm.  We were shown to our room, which has a bed or crib for the patient, a small couch/bed for the parent, and an attached bathroom.  They can do 4 patients per night.  Last night there were all little boys.  After giving you a few minutes to get use to the room, the technician comes in to start the wiring process. 

The patient is wired from head to toe, literally.  A pulse oximeter is placed on the big toe.  This was a source of great entertainment for Little Dude and he took great pleasure in using the red light as a flashlight, sticking it in my face so I could see, shining it under and through the blankets, etc.
There are sensors on the legs to tell how much kicking occurs.

There are several different belts and sensors on the outside of the pajamas as well as a heart rate monitor, etc. on the skin.
There are sensors near the eyes that detect when the patient enters REM (rapid eye movement) sleep.
Sensors on the jaw detect if the child grinds his teeth as well as help tell when he falls asleep as the muscles become slack.

 EEG leads are applied to the head.

 The 2 most important parts of the study go under the nose.  One is a small microphone that picks up snoring, etc.  The second is a nasal canula which monitors the breathing.
Oh, and the beloved ceiling camera... everything is being watched.

the finished product
 

The wiring process took the better part of an hour.  Because the nasal sensors need to not be disturbed, the tech wanted to put no-nos on Little Dude.  (No-nos are arm immobilizers that keep the elbows straight so kids can't pull on tubes.)  I vetoed this idea with the promise that I'd agree to them if Little Dude didn't obey. 
I explained that if he played with the sensors, he wasn't going to like the consequences.  And in true Little Dude fashion, he didn't touch them with his hands.  But boy oh boy, he sure did try to with his giraffe-length tongue.

While he'll go into bed awake at home, he wanted none of that last night.  The combo of a strange environment, all of the leads, and a long nap on the drive down were working against us.
I rocked him for a long time, but everytime he fell asleep and I tried to put him into the crib, he awakened.  Eventually, we both ended up in the bed.  Lying there knowing you're being watched, there is a strong urge to do something goofy for the camera.  I resisted.

About 11pm I was able to move to my own bed, but after I did, I was wishing I had stayed with Little Dude because he definitely got the better bed last night.  (And this is from a girl who can sleep anytime, anywhere.)

The tech was in the room several times during the night to adjust wires Little Dude had disturbed while sleeping.  Overall, despite his nasal congestion, nap on the drive there, strange environment, and wires, Little Dude slept pretty well.

the morning after

No worse for the wear, he was his old chatty self by the time we walked to the car at 6am.

I am so very thankful for both the level of healthcare and access to it that we enjoy here in the United States.  We are truly blessed.


The Very Hungry Little Dude

Anyone that knows our Little Dude understands that The Very Hungry Caterpillar  is the perfect theme for the first birthday party of his life.  Not only have we watched him emerge from his cocoon as a beautiful butterfly, the boy looooves to eat.  The menu was determined by the book (with the addition of Corn Chowder and a salad).  This is where I found the free printable food tags.  So without further ado, here is a picture-heavy post of today's festivities:

 

These window crayons are so neat!  They're Crayola Window Crayons and you can get them at Evans if you live locally.



The red & green balls are Sixlets. Buy them at JoAnn's with your coupon, otherwise they're pretty pricey. They are gluten-free and surprisingly reminiscent of malted milk balls (which are not gf).
 




marshmallow ice cream cones, spearmint leaves, lollipops,
& chocolate cake (brownies)



pickles, cheese, sausage, salami (turkey summer sausage),
& strawberries

cherry tarts

watermelon and fruit

 

Artwork by Little Dude's 5yo brother.



The Birthday Boy!

Milestones

Four days.  That is all we had been home when she arrived on our doorstep for our first post-adoption visit.  Though employed by the agency who performed our homestudy, it quickly became evident that this newly assigned Social Worker knew very little of our adoption journey.  She spent much of that visit trying to gather a sense of who we are, as well as what would motivate us to spend many months, countless hours of paperwork, and thousands of dollars to travel halfway around the world to bring home a little guy with Down syndrome.  Additionally, she needed to establish a baseline of Little Dude's current functional level for her report.

Out came the developmental milestones charts.  She began questioning.  "At 4 years of age, he should be able to ________ ; can he ________ ?"

Thankfully my filter was working that day.  I gave her simple "no" answers, though I'm sure the look on my face said much more than my words ever could.

"At 4 years old, he should be able to wash his hands by himself.  If you tell him to go wash his hands, can he go into the bathroom, crawl up, and do that?"

Um, no.
Meanwhile, I had mentally crawled onto my soapbox and was spouting things inside my tiny, jet-lagged brain.
Yes, he's chronologically 4 years, 4 months.  He has been institutionalized for 4 years, 3 months of that time.  He's 23 pounds.  He wears 18 month clothes.  He learned to walk 2 months ago.  And he's heard spoken English for ONE WEEK... not to mention that everything he's ever known has totally changed during that week.  Oh, and he has Down syndrome, which really is the least of any concerns.
So no, he can't go wash his hands if I tell him to.

Yesterday, I told my son to go wash his hands.  He did.

 

Our Hardest Part of Post-Adoption

As part of the adoption of Little Dude, we promised to file post-adoption reports for the next three years.  Over that span of time, a Social Worker will visit our home 6 times (2 down, 4 to go!).  Each visit lasts about an hour as she poses questions about Little Dude, his health, his adjustment, and our adjustment as a family.  The report then remains on file with said agency, our placing agency, and Little Dude's birth country.  Each time our Social Worker leaves our home, she takes with her duplicate copies of 14 photographs of Little Dude~ one of which must be a family photo.  This, my friends, has been our biggest post-adoption challenge.  I'm not sure we've yet gotten a family photo where all 3 boys are looking at the camera.

[notice the boys sporting their Russia t-shirts and Moscow hats and Daddy & Mommy their Adoption Bug t-shirts]

 

And more often than not, any attempt at a photo session quickly dissolves into a wrestling match...

 

Please bear this in mind as you open our Christmas card this year, because chances are that those photo attempts won't go any better.

 

You've Come a Long Way, Little Dude

Three months.  Just 90 days and yet a lifetime ago.  As I lay in bed last night my mind floated back to a fun-filled day in July.  We arrived in our Little Dude's region bright and early on Monday morning.  The day was filled with exploring and shopping in the city where he was born... the city where his birth family still resides.  This was our last chance to gather photos and tuck away memories to share with him as he grows and begins to ask questions about his heritage, for tomorrow we would become a family of 5 and begin our journey home.

One of the most exciting things that day was when Katie gave us our Little Dude's passport, complete with his photo and new name.  For me, that was a moment when all of this became so much more real.

After an amazing dinner of take-out from Katie's restaurant, a trip to the roof to see the sun setting over the Volga River, and visiting into the wee hours of the morning with Denis, Katie, and Anya (Denis' sister), we headed to bed in anticipation of all July 10 would bring.

As I sit at the computer 3 months removed from that day, my only question is "What took us so long?".  I'm not referring to the adoption process  as, at times, international adoption moves slower than molasses in January.  I'm questioning what took us so long to pursue adoption... and specifically adoption of a toddler with Down syndrome.  Yeah, yeah, I know it was (is) all God's timing and His fingerprints are all over not only our Little Dude but our entire process.  Perhaps it's more of a rhetorical question in which I'm trying to relay the wonder of it all.  I'm pretty sure I can't adequately describe the blessings wrapped up in the third copy of a 21st chromosome.

Okay.  I've waxed nostalgic for long enough.  On to some of the changes in our Little Dude over the past 3 months...

First of all, he's growing like a weed.  He was 23 lbs when we brought him home and I'm sure he'll be close to 30 lbs at his doctor's appointment next week.  The boy hasn't met a food he doesn't like.  There are foods he might not prefer  but when he realizes that's what's for dinner, he always chooses to eat.  Initially he didn't like anything cold (and probably had never had anything cold at the orphanage), but now he'll even eat a popcicle.  He's definitely getting taller.  He was a wiggleworm when trying to get his height at the doctor, so I'm not sure how accurate any measurements will be.  He's outgrown any 18 month clothes he was wearing when we brought him home, the 24 month onesies are getting too short, and he's starting to fill out 2T. 

He didn't have his upper eye teeth when we got him in July.  One is fully in and the other is on it's way.  We're still waiting for his lower lateral incisors to pop through.

He started walking in May and now has several speeds.  His base of support has greatly narrowed and he can step backward, sideways, and carry objects while walking.  He's independent creeping up/down stairs.  He climbs like a champ.

Little Dude is very vocal  but not overly verbal  at this point.  It doesn't, however, limit his ability of making his needs known.  He continues to use a few Russian words (primarily for "potty"), is occassionally making some English-sounding words, and has about a dozen signs he'll use consistantly.  He's started stringing together signs such as "more-eat" and "sit-eat".

Since he is 4 years old, he no longer qualifies for Birth-to-Three.  Any services provided must be done through the school system.  The Physical Therapist, Occupational Therapist, Speech Therapist, and Early Childhood Special Needs teacher have all been to our home for evaluations.  Last evening we met to work on Little Dude's IEP (Individualize Education Program).  We're fortunate to have an amazing group of ladies in our school system and I anticipate them being a huge asset to Little Dude's progress and development.  We're all in agreement that at this point the main focus needs to be on getting Little Dude strongly attached to Dave and me.  Dave and I will discuss what will work best for our family at this point and then utilize the appropriate services.  It seems the main goal of all involved is to use these next several months to establish a strong foundation upon which we can build next school year.

There have been a string of doctors' visits since Little Dude's homecoming.  In addition to the Pediatrician, he's been to Childrens' Hospital for Cardiology and ENT consults.  He passed his EKG and ECG with flying colors, so he does not need to return.  Little Dude has some fluid behind his eardrums (not uncommon with Ds) and this will be watched.  We still need to get a valid hearing test to determine if his hearing (and possibly speech) is being affected by the fluid.  We have an amazing Pediatric Opthomologist who determined his need for glasses.  We also had a "New Parent Consult" at the Down Syndrome Clinic. 

So that's where we're at right now.  Life is rarely dull (or quiet) with two 4 year olds and a 3 year old, but I wouldn't trade it for the world!

Trip #3... Gotcha !

I guess it's time for my long overdue post... or posts... However many it takes to fill in the gaps.

Seven weeks ago today, our plane touched down in Moscow for what would be the culmination of this "paper pregnancy".  Saturday, July 7 we boarded a plane headed for EE.  This trip was different from our first two in many ways besides the obvious fact we would return with our son.

This time, our family came to us to care for our bio boys.  The 2 previous times we had stopped in PA during our flight east to leave them with my family.  This trip was a patchwork of relatives caring for the boys.  They had an amazing time with Aunt Kris (Dave's sister), Dave's parents, and my parents (who were already headed this way for my cousin's wedding).

We deplaned about 9am local time on Sunday, July 8.  There were at least 2 other adoptive families on their final trip on our flight... one family I knew of through Reece's Rainbow and the other I just took a wild guess seeing as how they were carrying a diaper bag without  a kid.  Call me Sherlock Holmes.

Dima met us at the airport and kept our bags for the day while we went sightseeing and shopping.  He dropped us at a metro station and we planned to meet about 7pm so he could take us to the train station. 

The bulk of our day was spent between Izmaylovo Market and Red Square.  Izmaylovo Market is a HUGE outdoor shopping area.  It's a combination of souvenir stands and a flea market.  Prior to meeting Dima, we ate dinner and bought a few necessities like bottled water.  We fired off a few quick emails, sent some postcards, and headed to the train.

Our cabin was similar to the two previous trips, however it was more of a family car than business class.  Each of the other times, the passengers were primarily businessmen in suits.  This time, there were families with children and instead of just two beds, our cabin was equipped for 4 (including 2 bunks).  This change was due to the fact we'd be making the return trip with our Little Dude.

Our ride was uneventful and we both slept well with the gentle pitch and roll of the train.  We arrived about 9am and went to Katie's apartment (where we would be staying).  Nadia, whom we stayed with on our first two trips, was visiting her family in Ukraine.  Katie served as our interpreter and representative on past visits and her husband Denis had driven us to the orphanage.  Katie and Denis have 2 boys similar in ages to our bio boys.  A fun little fact is that Katie spent 5 months working in the Dells during a college exchange program.

Katie had planned on spending the day showing us around Little Dude's region's capital city.  However, she owns a restaurant and had an emergency come up.  Denis and his sister (Anna) served as our tour guides.  Anna currently lives in the US and is fluent in English.  During our travels, we ate at Katie's restaurant.  It was amazing.  We also had take-out from there Monday night and Little Dude's first restaurant meal there on the way to the train Tuesday.

                                                     Katie and Denis's restaurant:  USSR Cafe

 

I can now say that I've eaten Cotton Candy on three continents!

 

Monday evening we visited our friend Loudmila.  Luda served as our interpreter during court.  We had the opportunity to not only meet her son, daugher-in-law, and mother, we also got to pray, sing, and read the Bible with them.

  

We returned to Katie's about 9pm, ate a late dinner, then went up on the roof.  Her apartment has an amazing view of the Volga River.  Katie returned about 11pm and we visited for awhile before heading to bed.

 

After breakfast Tuesday morning, we began our trek to the orphanage.  As I've mentioned before, it's about a 3 hour drive from the region's capital.  Denis drove and Katie was serving as our interpreter.

Shortly after noon on Tuesday, July 10, 2012, we exited the orphange with our son.

 

Our Little Dude did great during our 3-hour drive... until we pulled into the parking lot at Katie's restaurant where he puked all over himself and the carseat.  Thankfully, as the parents of 2 little boys, this was a non-event for Katie and Denis.

Katie and Loudmila saw us off at the train station.

 

Little Dude had a great trip to Moscow.  While most of the sleep he had that night would be considered napping, he did so either on top or or curled up next to one of us.  We were all able to rest up for the great paper chase that lay ahead.

Upon our early Wednesday morning arrival in Moscow, we were ushered to our hotel where Little Dude's physical would occur and we'd complete the paperwork necessary for the US Embassy and Russian Consulate.  Although we had booked a room for a 7am check-in, none were available upon our arrival.  This meant the doctor would perform Little Dude's physical in the lobby of the hotel.  It really wasn't a problem since the exam is extremely cursory.  Then Inna (on staff with our adoption agency) arrived to complete our paperwork.  This needed to be filed at the US Embassy by 11am in order for us to get an appointment for our interview on Thursday morning and fly home Friday.

After checking in at the hotel, a bath for Little Dude, showers for Dave & I, and resting a bit, we headed to Red Square.  We took the requisite photo in front of St. Basil's then had dinner at Sbarro with Jonas and his Mommy (a third RR family who was in Moscow while we were).

 

 

We all slept well in big, comfy beds.



A bonus of not being able to check in at 7am as planned on Wednesday is that the hotel comp'd us with their breakfast buffet on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday mornings.  So after strapping on the feed bag Thursday morning, Dima picked us up for our US Embassy appointment.

Upon arrival at the Embassy and going through security, we headed upstairs for our "interview".  There were two other families, both with little boys also.  One was the diaper bag carrying family from our flight.  While at JFK, I had noticed the dad was wearing a Penn State ballcap.  As it would end up, he grew up about 30 minutes from me.  We were sworn in as a group and the agent explained a few procedural things, what to expect at immigration, etc.  We were then called to the window and asked a few questions.  Basically, all it was was confirming spellings on names, etc.  We received our sealed packet (do not, I repeat DO NOT, open it or allow anyone else to under any circumstance).  It must be sealed with the original seal when you hand it to the Department of Homeland Security upon entering the USA (otherwise you risk being turned away).  Little Dude's Russian passport was given an immigrant visa and since his adoption was finalized in-country, he would become an American Citizen as soon as our plane touched US soil.

We also completed the paperwork necessary for Russian Consular Registration before returning to our hotel.

 

We opted for a quiet evening which included pizza at the hotel restaurant.  Inna returned Little Dude's passport about 11pm (as it was needed for Consular registration).

Bright and early Friday morning, we headed to the airport to begin our flight home.  As Little Dude is 4yo, he had his own seat for the flight.  Let's just say that having that extra room was awesome.  Yet again, he proved to be a real trooper and great travel companion.  A few minutes before noon on Friday, July 13, 2012 we hit the tarmac of JFK International Airport and our Little Dude became a US Citizen.

We received a 'fast pass' (or a name something like that) at immigration that allowed us to go to a short/special line.  We buzzed through immigration in record time and went to the gate for our connecting flight.  Anyone who has traveled through JFK knows that there are many terminals and you must enter each one through security.  Again, since we were traveling with a child with special needs, we were accomodated and able to pass through (relatively) quickly.  I will say that during our wait in line, Little Dude was busy high-fiving everyone and trying to help with their luggage.

A neat little God-thing was the Starbucks next to our gate.  While I'm not a huge coffee drinker, God knew I was looking forward to a frappuccino once back in the states.  On top of the blessing of Starbucks being right there, He not only provided one, but TWO frappuccinos!  (The kid making mine initially made the wrong thing and gave me both mine and the mistake.)  Woo Hoo!!!

 

We had 2 more flights before arriving home.  Both flights and our layover at DTW went well.  Stay tuned for subsequent posts about Little Dude's welcome home and adjustment to family life.